It’s only Tuesday and I am already tired. Mostly from a billion thoughts I can’t get out of my head. I am a little scatter-brained right now.
As much as I love writing freelance, sometimes it’s hard for me to keep track of what is what. Technically, I am working contract for 5 different companies, possibly a 6th soon. Plus I have 2 blogs I am trying to run, as well as projects for my church.
Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but I’ll be the first to admit I am not the most organized person. Sometimes I look at the whole thing and it’s overwhelming.
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right career choice.
About a month ago, I applied for a full-time job. I have applied for many jobs, so I was surprised when I got a call back right away. I knew it was in an office, but my husband encouraged me to go interview anyways. I was kind of hoping they would be more flexible with the schedule, maybe allow me to do some of the work at home.
It was a big deal for me to face my fear. The morning of the interview, I woke up feeling sick with anxiety. I don’t do well with these kind of things. I like to hide behind my computer. But somehow I found something “professional” to wear, and got out the door. (It’s been a long time. My attire consists of uncomfortable jeans I don’t wear and yoga pants.)
I guess I did well, because they pretty much told me I had the job on the spot. 45 hours a week in an office. No possibility of remote work. It was a cool office building, I’ll give it that. Everyone looked young and hipster and I felt out of place. My interviewer looked just like Jim from The Office. The content I’d be writing was pretty boring, but the pay was decent, and it was consistent. It was a tough call.
The day I had to make my decision, I met with 2 other SAHMs and we got to talking why we love to be with our kids and how we couldn’t imagine life any other way.
I knew what I had to do.
I said no because for the millionth time in my life I was reminded I don’t want to throw away my dreams for security.
Because I believe God has something better.
Because I know that right before the real thing comes, we are tested with a fake thing that may be tempting, but it’s not the best.
It’s such a hard lesson to learn, but so necessary. (Don’t. Ever. Settle.)
I said no because the 9-5 life makes me a little crazy inside.
I love interrupting my day with a trip to the park. I love going to the gym or the grocery store in the morning, working during nap time and after my daughter goes to bed. I love that I can space out my day, work for a bit then play dress-up or go puddle stomping. I don’t just love it, but I think I work better that way.
I want to be there for my daughter. I can’t imagine missing the little moments in her day.
I know that I need to pour my heart into this blog and that’s what I am going to do.
Since I said no, I’ve had a few more opportunities come up. I am currently studying to take a test for a great work-at-home company that pays well and hoping that will work out.
I am trusting God for more. I am trusting Him for favor for myself and for my husband. For provision.
Please don’t think I am putting down moms who work outside the home. Ya’ll are incredible, and I know God gives people the grace for wherever they are. Everyone has a different path. I just know it’s not for me, for this season.
Even though I’ve had moments of doubt, I believe deep down I made the right decision. I don’t regret pursuing it or doing the interview. It was also kind of a wake-up call. I am a writer. I can can actually do what I love and get paid.
I determine my success and my worth.
I can succeed. I can take a breath and tackle one thing at a time.
My toddler has been screaming in nap avoidance for over an hour and she is finally quiet.
I sit. I breathe. I write.
Peace and Creativity,
The Stay-at-Home Something